I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just puked most of my soul out..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
