and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize