Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
