you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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