the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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