I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
