I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
