So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
