your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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