just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
