i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
