Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
