Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
