My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
