it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
