was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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