Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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