ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
