I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
