You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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