I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
