i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize