The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
