Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
