The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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