I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My ass is underappreciated
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
