He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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