Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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