JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
