i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
