I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
