He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
