Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
