feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
