i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
