I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
