i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
