Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
