I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
