I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
