Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
