Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
