Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
