He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
