Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
