i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize