We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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