I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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