Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
