Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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