The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
