i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Come see our sink grown plant.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
