who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
