ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
