if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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