i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
