Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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