Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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