This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
