Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
