What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
