turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
