My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize