Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
