does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
