i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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