It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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