who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
