There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
