this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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