we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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