I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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