couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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