dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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