this beer tastes like vomit already
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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