But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
