I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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