community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
